


Take A Deep Breath, I'm Your Oxygen

by mizufallsfromkumo



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mentions of Other Voltron Paladins, Pre-Relationship, Season/Series 06, Season/Series 06 Spoilers, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 13:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14955683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizufallsfromkumo/pseuds/mizufallsfromkumo
Summary: “Are you okay?”  Shiro asked gently.“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be.  We’re going back to Earth.”  Lance stated with fake bravo and cheer as he kept his gaze fix on the ground.  “A okay, big guy. No need to worry about me. Everything isfine.”Lies.  All lies.Major Spoilers from Season 6





	Take A Deep Breath, I'm Your Oxygen

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, maybe posting this will work this time.
> 
> So this is my post-season 6 Shance contributions, because I need it. And I am a little sore about season six, for a few different reasons. Mostly Lance related, but yeah.
> 
> I listened to [Breathing Oxygen by Zayde Wolf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ho2b_fwyFRU) and I suggest listening to it while reading it.
> 
> Contains major season 6 spoilers!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy all this

Lance loosely drew lines in the dirt under the shelter of Red’s hull.

Waving, curved lines, that looked more like a childish drawing of the ocean, than anything else.  Which given that they were making their way towards Earth, it didn’t feel like much of a surprise to Lance that the pattern was happening.  

How long had he wanted to return to Earth?

Far  _ too _ long.

But his excitement was overshadowed by...everything  _ else _ .

They just about lost everything.  

Only had the lions and whatever they choose to shove into them.  Which was considerably a decent amount. But it was hardly anything anyone would call home.

And they just got Shiro back.

The stick dug sharply into the soft soil of the planet they were camping out on.

Lance was happy Shiro was back.  

Elated in a way he can’t put into words, really.  For a lot of reasons. Many of them being Shiro didn’t actually betray them knowingly.  Not to mention Shiro was alive. And in general that was a  _ good _ thing for everyone ever.

But it was lost under his guilt and frustrations.

If Lance had only heard.  Or even listened to that nagging in the back of his head about it and done something, or told someone else.  Or tried helping the Shiro clone figure out what was going more than just seeing if he was okay. Then maybe…

Maybe he could have saved Shiro.  Avoided a whole mess of things a lot sooner.  Saved more than just whatever they grabbed.

But he fell second to Keith... _ again. _

Fell second to a lot of things, really.  

Story of his life apparently.

But he was  _ always _ second to Keith it felt like.  Compared to him constantly at the Garrison.  Red’s replacement for him. (Though Red greatly bristled at the statement, and assured him, he was no replacement for her.)  His second bayard form was a sword, that he could rarely even get to form on a good day.

Shiro had reached out for Lance first.  

And Lance missed his chance, because he couldn’t hear.  

Letting the chance slip right on by him for Keith to pick up and handle.  Like it was just made for just him to deal with. Snag the opportunity without even realizing Lance was possibly reaching for it. 

It frustrated to Lance.

He doesn’t hate Keith for it.  Not one little bit. 

Maybe a year ago when they first got to space...he might have.  But they been through things. A lot of things. Plus, Lance hadn’t let anyone else know Shiro tried to tell him something in the Astral Plane until after Keith said something about it.  

So it wasn’t like he _ knew _ .

Not to mention, Keith had unnecessary apologized...kind of.

He said Shiro mentioned trying to reach everyone, only no one seemed to hear him.  And it was simply easier for Shiro to reach him because of their bond that spanded far longer than everyone else’s with Shiro.  But the fact that Lance heard  _ something _ had to mean something, right?

It wasn’t much perhaps as much of a comfort as Keith might have hoped.

Mostly it just feed into Lance’s guilt.

And his guilt was spinning all types of what ifs.

Those what ifs were causing the stick in his hand to dig into the dirt more.  Creating more darker and angier looking lines. And…

_ Snap! _

Breaking the stick in his hand.

Lance signed to himself defeatedly.   Doing his best to ignore Reds attempts at soothing him, as he dropped the piece of the stick in his hand to the ground.  It half works, because apparently Red has been talking with Blue, and wrapped him in a warmth similar to summers back home while cooing and puring.  

He pulled out the piece sticking out of the ground and weakingly tossing it away.  Carefully moving to push the line in the dirt back in again. Choosing to focus on that more than anything else.  How the soil fell back into place and patted smooth under his hands.

“Lance?”  A voice asked behind him.

_ Shiro’s _ voice to be specific.  

Lance squeaked weakly, as he turned wildly at the sound.  Only to find Shiro standing like a yard away from him watching him carefully.  White hair catching all the bits of light from the planet’s moons. Eyes fixed on him with concern Lance doesn’t feel like he exactly deserves.  Because he failed Shiro without even realizing.

“Hey Shiro.”  Lance returned simply.  Before turning his attention back to the dirt, poking at it lazily.

The dirt was a lot safer to look at than Shiro. 

“Are you okay?”  Shiro asked gently.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be.  We’re going back to Earth.”  Lance stated with fake bravo and cheer as he kept his gaze fix on the ground.  “A okay, big guy. No need to worry about me. Everything is  _ fine _ .”

Lies.  All lies.

For a few ticks Shiro didn’t do anything, and Lance could feel his eyes on him.  

Part of Lance willed him away, just until he managed to get out from under how much of a second choice he was.  Or at least learned to carry it well enough no one would know. Or he got over the fact that he failed Shiro enough to look him in the face and not be reminded of it.  If Lance didn’t look at him, Shiro would eventually get the idea and leave.

Only Shiro didn’t sigh a little, and mutter a small ‘okay’ before leaving.  Not like he did when ever he found Lance looking at star maps in the bridge.  And wasn’t buying his lies, but letting Lance at least have them anyway.

Instead he sat down on the ground.

The whole action is clumsy, as Shiro rattled his armor in the processes.  He was still adjusting to having one arm. Pidge, Hunk, and Coran were working on designing a new one for him.  They just don’t really have the resources to start building it. Not to mention he was off balance from having a solid body again.  Usually someone helps him a bit, despite his complaints that he can’t learn how to adjust if everyone reaches out to help everytime.

Lance turned to him at the action with slightly wide eyes.

But Shiro was already on the ground an arm’s reach away from him before he could do anything.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”  Shiro stated simply with a slightly frown.

Lance turned back to the dirt sharply.  Picking up one half of the broken stick and stabbing at the ground harshly.  Twisting the stick piece in the hole to make a cone shape hole in the soil.

Because damn, Shiro had to go and be direct with Lance.

Usually they half acknowledge the bush with a light beat or two, but never anything more.  Or they just let the other have their lies about being fine, because they just know pressing wasn’t going to get anything.

Lance’s snap that he was  _ not _ avoiding Shiro died on his tongue.

He had kind of been avoiding Shiro.  

Not visibly out right.  Like seeing Shiro approaching, or in a space, and changing direction.  Or scrambling to get away when the older would come over. 

But generally being more quiet in his presence.  Keeping his chatter to minimum (something so far only Hunk had noticed).  Shirting around Shiro slightly, or shying away from his general acknowledgements of him.  Avoiding too much eye contact. Or hiding behind the fact that Red cockpit smells like cow, because well Kaltenecker is cow.  

It’s not Lance’s fault she likes to ride in the cockpit with him.

(Really he can’t get her to go anywhere else and come back out as easily as the cockpit because she’s stubborn, okay)

It’s not like Lance wanted to avoid Shiro.

It’s just...whenever he looks at Shiro, all he sees is how much he messed up.

And it  _ hurts _ when it shouldn’t

“Why?”  Shiro asked after a few moments of Lance saying nothing.

Lance settled for shrugging.

Mostly because it didn’t involve opening his mouth in someway.  Which felt safe. He wouldn’t accidentally say too much, or come off the wrong way stumbling around for just  _ what  _ to say to Shiro.  No verbal word vomit for Shiro to deal with.  

Unlike Hunk who simply just asked late one night when everyone was sleeping if Lance was alright.  And it all just poured out of the flood gates before Lance could even stop it. Poor Hunk had tried to make it better, but it was a lot, and there was only so much he could say.

“Shrugging is not an answer.”  Shiro returned easily.

“Yes it is.”  Lance defented, sharply turning to glare at Shiro.  Only to realize his mistake and turn back to the dirt and his stabbing of the ground.

“Not for the question of why are you avoiding me.”  Shiro countered. 

“Yes it is, it’s like a subconscious things.” 

“No, you have a reason and you know what it is, Lance.”  Shiro stated firmly, but still warmer and gentler than the firm orders he would give.  It’s softer, like when Lance cracked one to many dumb jokes when ever they crossed paths in the Castle hallways late and night, and Shiro was telling him to go to sleep.  “Tell me.”

Lance just kept poking at the ground with the stick.

“Fine, I’ll just have to guess then.”

Again, Lance just stared at the dirt.

“Is it because of the whole no arm thing?”

Lance shook his head hurriedly at the words.  

No he would never.  Yeah it’s maybe a little weird seeing Shiro without the Galra arm, and clumsily being slightly off balanced.  But it doesn’t bother him. 

Though he can get where Shiro is getting that.  As Lance is the only one not jumping in to help Shiro catch himself, or sit down, or whatever.  Mostly because Allura and Keith are both so quick, along with the others to give him a chance.

“Is it the hair?”

Again a shake of the head no.

“The whole dying and being in a clones body that probably tried to kill you?”

Lance shook his head again.  

Though, it was probably like a fair one to nod to.  Because it was weird and probably more reasonable than his real reason.  Only the totally hair color change kind of didn’t make it such a  _ huge _ deal.

“It’s dumb.”  Lance admitted with a sigh.

Shiro hummed for a moment.  

Lance peeked over at Shiro from the corner of his eyes to see him watching Lance carefully.  A look of worry that reminded Lance for a puppy dog on his face slightly. Even though everything about him was mostly encouraging Lance to just talk.

But Lance still waited a few ticks.

“Lance?”

“It’s because I failed save you.”  Lance blurted out, before he got the idea to just up and bolt away for the interaction.  Because well then, what would Shiro think. “Which is stupid, because it really shouldn’t matter, who saved you and what not.  But you tried to tell me something on Olkarion, but I couldn’t hear it well. And when I tried to stay...”

“Red Lion pulled you back, I know.”  Shiro finished.

“Yeah,”  Lance nodded.  “Then Keith came back from his weird space adventure, and just figures it all out.  But that’s not the real kicker. I could have tried to do something, figure it out, or ask someone other than...well the  _ other _ Shiro.  I could have maybe stopped a lot stuff from happening.  But I just let it go a little, and I let you down.”

“No you didn’t.”  Shiro stated calmly.

Lance huffed a laugh.  “I knew you were trying to tell me something, but I couldn’t hear.”

“That’s not your fault.”

Lance stabbed at the ground roughly with the stick.  

He knew that part a little bit.  Red had more than assured him since everything.  Apologized for pulling him back into the battle when she realized how much it was eating at him.  If the situation had allowed she would have let him stay, both Black and her.

But still...

“I didn’t try to do anything.”  Lance grumbled weakly, as he continued to stop at the dirt.   

Annoyed and frustrated with himself.  A lot of things were out of his hands in reality.  Not to mention just borderline science-fiction. 

And there is no like Help book called ‘So You Pilot a Magical Robotic Space Lion: A Quick How To for Everything’.  

It’s just...

He can’t help feeling that Shiro...

“Probably, only called out to me cause I was in Red and Keith wasn’t there, anyway.”

_ Quazinak! _

Lance’s eyes went wide, and slapped a hand over his mouth.

He said that out loud.

He didn’t  _ mean _ to say that out loud.

“That’s not why.”  Shiro stated firmly, a flash of anger in his voice. 

Like he was mad Lance even had that thought to begin with.  Only he was trying not to let it out too much, because he wasn’t mad at Lance for it.  More the thoughts general existence. 

“Don’t think that.”  Shiro continued with a sharp edge to his voice, and Lance just started the at the ground.  “I...When…” Shiro tried for before sighing defeatedly, and maybe a little frustrated. “Quazinack, this is a little complicated to explain.  But that’s not why I tried reaching out for you. I did it because it was you.”

Lance turned to look over at Shiro.

Watching as the older carefully moved a little closer to Lance.  So he was right next to Lance. His knees almost touching Lance’s left leg where Lance was sitting.

“When you guys were in the astral plane that time on Olkarion, it was your voice that pulled me there.”  Shiro admitted softly. “I could... _ feel _ everyone else, but your presence...your voice was like a  _ beacon _ for me to get there.  And it wasn’t the first time.”

Lance turned more to look at Shiro.

“I don’t know how long I was just existing in Black before I realized it.”  Shiro admitted. “But at some point, I heard you just asking where I was. And your presences against something.  It was enough to roose me into something of awareness.”

Lance turned back to look at the ground again.

He had a feeling he knew what Shiro was talking about.  

One restless night after Shiro had disappeared, Lance had gone to Black Lion’s hanger.  Leaned up right against Black muzzle as much as he physically could, pressing his forehead against the cold metal.  And he just asked Shiro where he was, like Black could just give him the answer. 

She hadn’t, but there had been a flicker of something faint in the back of his mind.  Something he had thought much about, figuring it to be Blue, or the smallest flicker of Black trying to comfort him.

Great, another time he fail Shiro to add to his list.

“Lance, it’s not your fault.”  the older stated simply, reaching out to place his hand on Lance’s shoulder.  “My bond with Keith made things easier, because...well I’ve known him the longest, and we’ve been through a lot together.”  Shiro continued softly, his arm moving to wrap around Lance’s shoulders “But you heard me, Lance.”

“Not well.”  Lance countered.  

There was familiar burn of tears forming in his eyes that Lance had grown use to over the past week, growing in his eyes.  Lance fought against it. He didn’t want to cry in front of Shiro. 

Because Shiro shouldn’t be comforting him over this. 

No one should.  Lance  _ shouldn’t _ be feeling this.  He should be happy, like everyone else, even if they were just all a little cautious too. 

“But you heard  _ something _ .”  Shiro said easily as he pulled Lance in a little bit.  “Please don’t undersell that, it’s important. Our bond is young and new, but you still heard  _ something _ when no one else did.  And it was because it was  _ you _ I reached out to.” 

Something in Lance breaks. 

He can do nothing but watch as the floodgates just tore open with a shuttering sob.  Nor could he stop the others that followed with heavy tears. Or the whimpers of “I’m sorry” and “I’m so sorry” that came pouring out his mouth. 

But Shiro just gently hushes him.  

Holding him close as it all just comes out.  The pressure of his fingers digging through Lance’s armor in a solid and comforting way, that never actually hurt.  Shiro easily mutters a few “I know”s and “it’s okay”s here and there. 

There was the feeling of lips against Lance’s temple.  That is light and soft, but very, very  _ there.   _ A tingle seems to vibrate for the feeling.

And Shiro holds Lance until the sobs died down enough.

“Feel better?”  Shiro asked as Lance just breaths in his hold.

“I…yeah.”  Lance admitted after a few beats of silence.  Pulling away from Shiro just a bit. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Shiro made a sound like he didn’t agree. 

“No...I did.”  Shiro stated simply as he pulled his arm back and rested in his lap.  “You’ve been off since...well,  _ everything _ .  I wanted to make sure you were okay.  You mean a lot to the team...and to me.  I want to nurture our bond.”

Lance nodded as he glanced at Shiro.  

His hand absently moving to brush against the tingling in his temple.  A smile blooming on his lips a little as he felt it.

“That and Pidge told me you cried over this body.”  Shiro continued off-handedly. “Like, and I am quoting here, ‘full-on ugly sobs’, so…”

Lance bristled at the words.  

Quickly bring moving his hand to hide his face with a groan.

_ Thanks Pidge _ , Lance thought sourly.  

Shiro was not supposed to know that. 

He was definitely going to have to figure out a way to get back at her.  Maybe have her deal with Kaltenecker for a day, since it’s her cow  _ too _ .  Co-parenting is important.  Or he’ll just subtly annoy her over the coms with inaccurate science jokes or something.  

Causing kicking her would just make her taze him.

“Sorry,” Shiro said after a moment.  Sheepish sounding, and out of the corner of his eye, Lance could see the other poking at the dirt a little.  “I was trying to lighten the mood.”

An unexpected snort came out of Lance’s nose suddenly.

“Oh my god,”  Lance giggled out  shortly after. “That was so bad.”

“Well…”  Shiro started defensively.  A light dusting of pink on his cheeks as he stammered for his words.  “Yeah, you’re totally right, that was bad.”

Lance nodded as a few giggles bubbled out of his lungs.  “Should have gone with the safe option of changing the subject.  Like how we should maybe see if there is nearby space mall.”

“Why?”  Shiro asked, his brows pulling together in confusion.

“To see if we can find you some hair dye.”  Lance said nonchalantly. Barely letting the slight frown and look of completely confusion that came over Shiro’s face in the moonlight get to him.  “Don’t get me wrong, I like the white hair. Very retro, millianal, cool guy and all. But like, Shiro, what’s your mom gonna say when she sees you again?”

A beat of silence passed between them

And then laughter burst out of Shiro’s mouth loudly.  All bright and full, that made Lance’s bell swell with pride and butterflies at it.  Lance honestly couldn’t remember the last time he heard Shiro laugh like that. Or if he ever even had.

Shiro leaned back with his laugh.  

Only it’s a little too fast, and to the right.  Completely forgetting he didn’t have his right arm to catch him. 

He toppled onto his back with a small yelp of surprise, flailing a little, before Lance could think to reach out and catch him.  For a tick he just laid there, before laughing boisterously again. If not, maybe a little harder. Left arm wrapping around his side.

And Lance started laughing too.

So hard his sides hurt.  Tears forming in his eyes.  And his laugh is more of a silent breathing wheeze.  Causing Lance to collapse backwards as well. He made eye contact with Shiro as he hit the ground, and they both seemed to laugh harder, if that was even possible.  Falling into laugher each time they looked at each other.

Eventually their laughter died down to giggles and chuckles they could breath through more easily.  And they are both hurriedly wiping away tears.

Shiro moved to sit up a little bit. “So, do you mind if ride in Red with you tomorrow?”

“No,”  Lance answered with a easy growing smile.  “That sounds great.”

 

"Good."

"Yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> Ta-da. I have a lot of feelings I needed to get out.
> 
> I feel like Lance would avoid Shiro for a bit after everything, because because he fells guilty and frustrated for failing Shiro. And he tends to hide away when he gets emotional in front of the team. And Shiro is just not going to have it. Also I feel like Shiro told Keith he reached out to the others, even though he specifically called out to Lance. Because he was kind of afraid Keith would get mad at Lance for not trying to do antyhing and like unnecessarily tear into Lance when it wasn't exactly his fault.
> 
> And I couldn't help but end it in laughs, because the idea of Lance's comment about Shiro's hair and I was cracking. (I may slightly not like Shiro's new hair, but maybe it will grow on me). And it kind of stemmed from an idea I had for Altean!Lance AU in regards to the final.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this fic.


End file.
